Ok, so, I´ve been in South America for almost 3 weeks now. My next 6 weeks will be spent in the mountains through Peru and Ecuador, so I thought now would be a good time to post some thoughts on my time here so far. I´ve noticed a formula to my posts to date, which I´m going to break by not giving a beard update (I´ve said all there is to say on the matter!), however, I will be doing the customary rant, so watch out.

After saying goodbye to my family (and incessant rain) in Australia, I flew from Brisbane to Auckland. I can now claim to say I have been to Iceland and New Zealand, 2 of the most stunning countries in the world, and not stepped out of the airport in each! I need to rectify this. The view flying into New Zealand was incredible.

Anyhow, luckily my flight to Santiago was one of the few flights still going after the earthquake a week before. In fact it made it a rather bizarre introduction to South America as a continent, as the main terminal had collapsed. Apparently buildings in Chile are built to withstand earthquakes. Apart from the airport terminal that is, which was made of glass, and just shattered into pieces. Upon landing we were forced to stay in the plane for a further 30 minutes as our bags were unloaded. It turned out this was because baggage reclaim was on the runway! After a brief scare where I didn´t think my bag was in the mound of suitcases, I made my way to passport control. Passport control also happened to be on the runway, in a tent!

Since I’ve been away, I’ve found here has been several moments where I’ve thought “shit, I spent way too much here”. And then think “it’s ok, it’s only once”. Only for it to happen again. And again. And again. Anyhow, after leaving the tent, I found myself on a road surrounded by mountains and about 3 million taxi drivers. Of course I chose to take the youngest, most expensive and only non English speaking driver. A driver who decided to ignore the police, who were allowing only one car at a time cross over a bridge, that essentially had 2 massive cracks through it from the earthquake, turning it into 3 bridges. Not only was I worried about falling into the river below (as the middle of the bridge was pretty much suspended in mid air), but also we now had a police car tailing us! Somehow, and I don´t have a clue what he said to them, he got away with it. And, so, 2 hours, and £30, yes £30 later, I was at a hostel in Santiago. Only to find out I was the only traveller there!

I’d only really decided to visit Chile as it’s the most accesible (and cheapest) place to get to from Australia, hence why my stay was so short. It took me a while to like Santiago. The food was crap (it seemed like fried chicken is all they ate), it’s incredibly polluted to the point where you can barely see the impressive mountaneous surroundings (perhaps it was the heat, but it seemed worse than China), and (sob sob, get the violins out) at first I was a right loner. The earthquake had obviously put people off from visiting, despite the fact Santiago was relatively unharmed. I guess I was considering not visiting, as there was a period of uncertainty as to whether my insurance would have been valid.

Still, it’s a city I grew to like a lot. Chile’s economy is one of the strongest in South America, and it shows in Santiago. If you didn’t know you were in South America, you’d have sworn it was in Spain. It had that chilled out siesta vibe, where things don’t really get going ’til the afternoon, and the architecture is very Spanish. It was also as expensive as Spain.

The Chileans are a right friendly bunch as well, particularly in the “Bohemian” part of town, where there is a positive correlation between grafitti, tattoos, dreadlocks and bars. In fact I just sat in one bar all night as they played Animal Collective albums one after the other. And made friends with a man who had a tattoo of Ivan Zamorano on one arm, and Marcelo Salas on the other. They’re about the only 2 Chileans I know, so it seemed kind of fitting. And I recalled my days of playing Zamorano up front alongside Robbie Fowler on Championship Manager. His favourite English team is United, and he described Fowler as a “cunt”. We departed on bad terms!

The folk of Santiago didn’t really seem shaken up by the ‘quake, and in fact I just sensed that even though this one was far worse than usual, they were used to it. The only evidence was several cordoned off buildings, with crumbled rock beside them. I gave a fair amount of money to help those in Concepcion only to find out some bastards were conning the public. I was warned about pick pockets who had come from Concepcion, but these guys were actually conning people by blatantly lying about having family down there. I only found out after giving money.

During the 3 days I was there, more travellers arrived at the hostel, and I met a sound bunch. The hostel put on an awesome BBQ, and we drunk Pisco sours and ate a whole cow each as I was told about how I’d made a big mistake in booking Loki hostel to stay in, in La Paz. More to come on that soon though.

Other observations I made about Santiago include the fact that I noticed a hell of a lot of blind people. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s an easy place to live if you can’t see. But every where I looked there were people with white sticks. If anyone knows why, I’d be interested to find out! I also noticed how many couples there were not afraid of public displays of affection! Everywhere. At one point I was walking through a park and it was like a mass orgy was about to start. I quickly cleared off.

And so, after a very brief 3 day stop in Chile’s capital, it was time for me to move onto (what was for me) the far more appealing country of Bolivia. So, I took a much quicker, and much cheaper taxi in the ealy hours of the morning to the airport. Which proved to be far more entertaining than I could ever have imagined! The driver was a rather butch, yet extremely camp, Chris Kamara meets Lionel Richie lookalike, who asked me if I liked Right Said Fred. I didn’t want to offend him, so naturally said yes. He then put on their “greatest hits” for us to “enjoy and sing along to”. And so, at 4 o’clock in the morning we were cruising the streets of Santiago singing about how we’re “too sexy” for our “shirts”, among many other things..

At the airport, the arrival tent was still there. And there was even a tent for departures check in. Despite the botched and rather rushed nature of the whole operation, it went pretty smoothly. I was recommended to check in 3 and a half hours before, however, it took 20 minutes. They took my bag, and finally I entered an inside area of Santiago airport.

Now, looking at a map of South America, you´d expect a flight there to take perhaps 3 – 4 hours? Well mine took 12! I´ve never been on a flight before that stops off to pick up passengers, let alone twice! But this one went into Peru to Lima, stayed there for a couple of hours, and then went past (!) La Paz to Santa Cruz, stayed there for a bit, before fying to La Paz. I guess it was worth the wait though.

When driving into La Paz, the views are stunning! I’ve heard differing stories that La Paz is the highest capital city in the world – infact it’s only the administrative and de facto capital of Bolivia. Still, it’s a long long way up, with the centre of the city set in a valley, as the outskirts rise up the mountains.

My first 3 nights in La Paz were spent in Loki hostel. Bad mistake. Loki is a chain of hostels in Bolivia and Peru, with a reputation for party times. To me, it really was horrendous! Perhaps I’m just a boring (and getting old) bastard, but it did nothing for me. I had a full on headache for 3 days, I’m not sure if this was coincedence or not. The hostel is about 24/7 drinking, cocaine and incessant noise. To be fair, the hundreds of people staying there were enjoying themselves! I prefer the more chilled hostels, where you generally meet a more interesting type of traveller, where partying still inevitably takes place, but with more stimulating conversation. But this place seemed like a production line of kids with no interest in culture, it had no atmosphere or friendliness. And in my room was a right bunch of cunts. 7 guys, all friends (from Israel, it seems the continent is full of ‘em as they have just come out of their compulsory military service, infact there are hostels here for Israeli’s only), who made it their mission (get the violins out again) to ensure I had no sleep at all. Their particular favourite technique was to jump on each other in the middle of the room, farting in the other person’s face, at 6am in the morning with the light on. Or an alternative technique if the fart wouldn’t come out, was to slap each other in the face with their cocks. On my final night there, I was actually having a fairly decent night sleep, until one of them broke the unwritten rule of hostels and brought a girl back to the room at 5am-ish. They turned the light on, and the girl said rather loudly so I could hear (and I think she was very right with what she said) “what sort of retard comes to this hostel and sleeps”. Amen, love. Fuck you. To be fair to the Israeli’s in South America, if I was forced to do military service for 2-3 years when I was 18, I’d want to go on holiday and let loose as well. I’d also just like to add I have nothing against Israeli’s, I’ve met plenty of sound ones, as you’ll find out later. Just these guys were cunts. And this hostel actually seemed to be dominated by English public school boys and girls who all had big hair and rugger shirts on (even the girls, strangely).

Back to La Paz. I love it here. It’s so hectic, yet chilled, dirty, yet beautiful, grey, yet colourful and vibrant. I had been warned that the Bolivians don’t take kindly to tourists, yet I’ve had nothing but friendliness from them, in the now 2 weeks I have been here. In every street corner there is a market, every road you’re inevitably walking up a steep incline, and everywhere there is a policeman/woman or 2 with his or her gun on standby (and people dressed as zebras directing the traffic). I haven’t found the altitude has affected me, other than being out of breath, but that’s probably more down to my general lack of fitness! I decided it’d be a good base to take some Spanish lessons, and live with a Bolivian family for a bit. There are many other towns I could have chosen in Bolivia, but I kind of feel you really need to spend a good amount of time in one city to really get to know it, so I was happy to stay here and forfeight visiting somewhere else (say Sucre, or Potosi).

After I’d signed up, I was told I’d be living with the Herrera’s. Gaby and her 4 daughters, aged 19 to 26. Needless to say, I was pretty daunted by that prospect! Living with 5 woman with limited English, combined with my limited Spanish. Their house is in the North of the city, pretty much up another mountain (at least it feels that way walking home). My Spanish teacher took me there, and as we were walking up he took no time in warning me of the dangers of the area. “Watch out for fake policeman who rob you of all your belongings” and “be aware of people gassing you in the face and robbing you of all your belongings.” Great! Cheers mate. As it turns out, I have seen no such thing.

I have seen some trouble, and in fact have been gassed in the face, but that was my own fault. There are many demonstrations and protests in La Paz, pretty much on a daily basis, and some can get violent. I was intrigued, so I walked up to one and a policeman in riot gear sprayed tear gas in my face. This after the day before, a sound guy I met whilst I was watching Liverpool destroy bottom of the table Portsmouth, told me the same thing had happened to him. So I had myself to blame. In fact whilst we were watching that game, 2 policeman came in and randomly took away some guy who was watching the game. As he asked why, they just battered him with their truncheons! I have no idea what it was all about. I have been in La Paz at a time of mayoral elections, and the city is dominated by campaign posters, parades, people dressed up, and inevitably some conflict. Earlier on I walked past a voting station with a line of riot police outside. If I was a voter I’d definitely vote for “Lucho”, who’s cheesy grin in his “Lucho por La Paz” posters sets him apart from the other candidates. They’ve even Photoshopped on a wonderful glint to his marble white teeth.

Anyway, back to the homestay. Once I was introduced to Gaby, I was given another warning. The shower in the bathroom gets heated as it comes out, by a live wire literally just above your head. At this point my Spanish wasn’t great, but the warning was something along the lines of “if you don’t turn the electrics on after you turn the shower on, you will get electrocuted.” Shower time proved to be risky! In fact, after about 3 minutes of showering you can smell it burning up. Living with the family was a really enjoyable experience though, that has helped my Spanish no end. I’ve found I’ve had to mainly speak Spanish, and have helped them to set up a website for their homestay after a falling out with my Spanish teacher (something I got caught in the middle of, but shouldn’t talk about online!).

It was kinda weird going back to school, given (1) I graduated almost 4 years ago, and (2) I’ve been travelling for 3 months. But it was fun! I had a routine of getting up at 6:45 every day, 2 hours of lessons early on, a break, and then another 2 finishing at 1:30pm. In the afternoon I did my homework in a cafe, and went to bed at 10pm (after trekking up the mountain back home trying to avoid corrupt policemen, or gassing locals)! I have found the classes really useful, and am finding myself communicating in Spanish in most situations with locals I find myself in. I am by no means an expert, but have a good understanding for the rest of my time over here in everyday situations such as ordering food, changing money, asking directions, buying tickets, or just general chit chat etc. In fact, I wish I had enough time for a second week of lessons, as it would hone what I already know from “pigeon Spanish” into more refined Spanish.

It’s made me realise (well actually, I already knew) how badly languages are taught in Britain. We are quite frankly shit at languages. Admittedly, we speak English and the necessity to learn a language is far less, however, the emphasis placed on learning languages is all wrong. In, say, Scandinavia for example, languages are taught as a life skill from an early age. But for us they are taught as a qualification. There should be an overhaul on how they are taught, by starting off conversationally without worrying about getting grades for perfect grammar. We don’t know how English grammar works as we pick the language up as a kid from those around us. I think it should be taught this way, honing our speaking and communication skills and then learning the intricacies in writing the language, once we can have a conversation!

As it happens, there’s a big chance I’m moving to Germany when I finish my travels. So no doubt I’ll confuse Spanish with German, and form some hybrid language. I already found myself saying “gracias” when I was in Vienna in November. And am constantly referring to my girlfriend as my boyfriend (novia = girlfriend, novio = boyfriend, must remember).

Back to La Paz. Sometimes it’s like being stuck in a time warp here. When I was in Cambodia and Laos, some of there technologies (especially internet connections) were very good, despite being 3rd world countries. Mainly because they’ve just skipped generations of technologies, and gone straight for the best. Whereas here, it’s almost like it could be the 70′s or 80′s sometimes. Particularly with the traffic. Real old school cars and buses clog up the streets spewing out thick black plumes of smoke. Everyone seems to have things to photocopy, as if it’s a new technology, and there are photocopy shops everywhere. And pay phones come in the form of old school phones in street stalls. Finding decent internet is a real challenge. It all adds to the charm of the place though!

It’s also another place where couples aren’t afraid of the old PDA. Again, like Santiago, couples snogging everywhere. Except in this case, they’re all youngsters! School kids. I didn’t even know what girls were at their age! Yet often it’s verging on “get a room” territory. La Paz could also claim (and I know this is rich coming from me) to be the capital of hair gel. Every bloke here must use a pot a day to slick back their jet black hair. All of a sudden I don’t feel quite so bad about putting wax in my hair to prevent the inevitable frizziness and curls.

After my final Spanish lesson, I walked past the stadium and noticed they were getting ready for a game. So I thought I’d get a ticket and take in my first South American football game. Bolivar v Oriente, the top 2 teams in the league. Current champions Bolivar from poorer La Paz at home, against big rivals Oriente from richer Santa Cruz. Bolivar are the most successful Bolivian team ever, and Oriente the 5th. It was the equivalent of Liverpool (yes, at the moment we are still the most successful English team) v Aston Villa (the 5th most successful English team). In the national stadium where Bolivia destroyed Maradona’s Argentina last season 6-1 after he campaigned for them to have international football reinstated there despite the altitude issues. It was all set up to be a classic. It was shit. A terrible game, made entertaining by Bolivar’s one footed left winger who wore the number 1 shirt, who tried his best to set the record for the highest football in the world. He hit it out the stadium twice, and it’s not a small stadium. Still it was fun, 99% Bolivar fans meaning we were staring at empty seats most the game, but in amongst a fun atmosphere. There was an unbelievable amount of people selling refreshments throughout. Bolivar won with a last minute strike to stretch their lead at the top of the table to 4 points.

I had a few days to spare. So I booked a trip to the South of Bolivia to Salar de Uyuni, the world’s largest salt flat at 10,582 square kilometers (4,086 sq mi)  – thanks Wiki. The Herrera’s very kindly allowed me to keep most of my luggage in their house for the 3 days I was away. After a 12 hour overnight bus, of incessant bumpiness that was worse than in Laos, I found the travel agents I had booked with, and found out I was in a jeep for 3 days with 5 (3 girls, 2 blokes), yes you’ve guessed it, Israeli’s! Despite them speaking Hebrew amongst each other for the majority of the 3 days, they were all really cool. And with interests that stemmed further than booze and cocaine. Infact I really liked them (despite their interests in the salt flats being about taking perspective defying photos rather than taking in the breathtaking scenery, although it was fun).

The town of  Uyuni itself was a bizarre little place in the middle of nowhere set up primarily for tourists, with locals that clearly hate the tourists. Don’t blame them to be honest. We were introduced to our guide, wearing a retro Brazil shirt and named after Chelsea’s reserve goalkeeper, Hilario. He was a bit of a character who didn’t speak a word of English, and who looks like he’s about to suffer from a heart attack at any moment. His regular jokes involved driving off just as you’re about to get in the car, turning the music off just as you turn it on, and my favourite, shouting “vamos” (let’s go) just as we started eating dinner/lunch, or just as we started having a piss behind a bush. They never grew old, honest. He provided an entertaining trip, and I found communication with him, and also between him and the Israeli’s, great practice for the Spanish. He was clearly a pro at the driving though, as most of it was completely off road, with unsecure ground beneath.

Day 1 involved us waiting around for Hilario to eat. Then for Hilario to get some more food. Then for Hilario to get some coca leaves (he really suffered from the altitude). Then for Hilario to chat to his friends. And finally, 3 hours late, and after visiting a “train graveyard” we hit the salt flats. They were worth the wait. A flat white layer of salt for as far as you can see, until it meets the sky (unless there were mountains in the horizon). And then we saw some cactuses, and one of the girls had her camera stolen. Which wasn’t so impressive or fun. That night, we drove through the narrow winding and rocky roads in the mountains trying to find somewhere to stay, knocking on the doors of homes and guesthouses to no avail (I thought this was already booked, but apparently not). Until we came across a great hotel made of salt, with hot showers, chicken and soup and everything.

What I didn’t like was the early starts! 5am on day 2, and 4am on day 3. Although the scenery was worth it, as we drove higher and higher up the mountains to a volcano, and many lagoons full of flamingos. And on the 3rd day we went straight to some hot springs, heated by the volcano, which was perfect at that time of the morning. Although fucking freezing when you get out, and your wet hair freezes up!

Another observation I made during the trip, is how really stupid Llamas are. They rival gold fish for brains. They stand in the middle of the road, stare at you with a confused look on their face, until you are 2 feet away and then sprint off with sudden realisation they’re about to get run over.

After the 3 days were up, I took another bumpy overnight bus back to La Paz, where I am again staying with the family. For these 3 days I am doing my good deed for the trip by setting up 2 websites. One for the family I am staying with, promoting their homestay, and the other for a restaurant in town that is part of a charity that aims to provide jobs for local Bolivians. After having my 4 course lunch in there every day for a week for £1.80, I felt I should give something back! It’s an exiting project, and I have met several cool Germans who are volunteering there (it’s a German run charity). The wonders of WordPress have meant it’s been a pretty painless process, and both organisations have websites they can now fully update whenever they want.

And here I am, with my time in Bolivia coming to an end. Ready to head off to Copacobana and Laga Titicaca on Monday, with 6 weeks in Peru and Ecuador coming up.

Posted on Saturday March 27th 2010 at 6:31 pm